Why the Injustice?

I feel so helpless. So trapped. I feel like I used to everyday in sixth grade: like I'm not good enough, a disappointment, a nothing.

I'm this close to dropping out. This close. Then see who all follows me? See what I've begun? See how the halls slowly get less and less crowded...

But that won't happen. Because I can't drop out. I have to deal with this injustice again and again. I have to act like nothing's wrong. I broke today, but tomorrow I will be strong again.

I've been bullied since I was born. I grew up with my male cousins everyday, and I was the only girl; everyday provided a new torture. Now I don't see them as much as I used to, but I'm bullied by a different, much more powerful beast. And I'm much less matched to this opponent.

I don't want to be this way. I don't want to hate my life, or my school, or my town, but they are giving me no choice.

I do a lot for this school. A lot. I've given up more Saturdays than I can count in order to give this school a new name, a better reputation. What do I get in return? No respect, no justice, no equality.

I'm just as human as they are! I'm just as alive. If you cut me, do I not bleed? What happens when you cut them? Does shining, golden dust fall from their veins because they are obviously Gods and we should just be thankful that they do not smite us on the spot!

Do you want to know what I did? Do you? Because it is soooooooo horrible.

I had just gotten to school. It was 12:50. On Grad Exam week this year we got to check in at 1:15 if we'd already passed all the exams.

Anyways, I went into the gym, where everyone was seated, and I began to look for my friend, because she's my friend. Someone I can talk to, hang out with, and laugh with to make the time go by faster until we had to report to our last block class.

So there I was in the gym, I went to one end to see if she was on that side, saw another friend (whom was preoccupied) and asked her if she'd seen the girl I was looking for. She didn't respond, so after a quick scan of the side I was on, I looked across the gym, and saw her finally. I'd been at school for maybe two minutes.

I got up from my spot next to my preoccupied friend (which happened to be on the floor) and crossed the gym to sit next to my friend. As I was about to ascend the bleachers, a teacher came up to me, this is our encounter, verbatim:

Him: Did you just get here?

Me: Yes, sir.

Him: Were you sitting on the other side?

Me: Yes, sir. But-

Him: Uh-huh, go back over there.

So I did. I walked back over to the floor, and looked over at the half empty side with longing. Finally my preoccupied friend took notice of me.

I explained to her the situation, and decided I would have to result to deception in order to get what I wanted. (Reminder: all I wanted was to sit with my friend so that I wouldn't be sitting and brooding on the cold tile floor for the next 20-ish minutes).

I got up and asked the teachers at the door if I could use the restroom. They said yes. When I came back in I sat on the other side of the bleachers, planning to slide across to my friend.

Just as she came over there, so did another teacher, who had just been talking to the teacher who stopped me the first time.

The other teacher: Hey, go back over and sit on that side. You can't just get sick of one side and come to the other.

I got up silently and walked across. Once I came back to my spot on the floor next to the crowded bleachers as compared to the half-empty set across the gym I began to scream and cry out.

I cursed the school! I yelled my frustrations! I yelled and I could hear my voice reverberate off the wall at the other end of the gym. The side where the two teachers whom had confronted me were standing. I looked over to see if they noticed me, but I was crying in my frustration and had taken off my glasses, so the most I knew was that if they had seen me, or heard me, they were not going to confront me.

I got tired of yelling, so I just sat there and cried. My friend watching, along with some acquaintances and many strangers. I was there, in the gym floor, crying. My face in my hands. No one came to ask what was wrong. Adult-wise I mean.

My friend eventually made her way over there. As soon as she did I got scared she was going to get in trouble. She comforted me though, but I only got to see her for a few minutes until they shipped us all off again into the depths of the school for our last block class.

Granted, when I walked in my teacher asked me if I wanted to talk, but I politely declined. I knew what I had to do. I got music pulled up on my computer, and then this very post.

I was going to Google ways to stop this injustice, but I didn't know where to start, thus the beginning of this post. Now I feel better though. I hope this post comes to the computer of someone who cares. I really need someone who cares. I need someone to help me, because if I ever take matters into my own hands, I'm afraid of the consequences.

So please, if your head pounded, or your heart was moved during this "rant" at all, please help me. Help all of us imprisoned in these schools. Help us without a voice. This stupid little blog is the closest thing I have. Help my voice echo across the newsstands, the world. Please. I just need some help.